What my teenager teaches me about finding my voice and speaking up
My 15-year-old speaks up for herself and for others
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My teenage daughter started 10th grade this week. She looked adorable on her first day of school in a ditsy-patterned sundress, her nails painted in various colors, and hair that was dark green this summer but has since faded.
She looked great, but more importantly, she felt great. Lately, she has been learning to advocate for herself more and more. I kinda want to be like her when I grow up.
I’m proud that my daughter is comfortable asking for her needs to be met. She has made a lot of changes this past year, including prioritizing her health. We recently started working out together at our local YMCA. She has cut back on soda and chips, and is genuinely excited about a special physical education class this year.
The U.S. Centers for Disease Prevention and Control notes that regular physical activity benefits teenagers’ physical and mental health, but what makes me happiest is that these changes have been her choice. She has done all of it without pressure from me or her father. She is learning how to ask for what she needs to lead a better, and hopefully longer, life. We should all be so proactive.
A good cause
I was your basic “Rebel Without a Cause” growing up, except my cause was to not be told what to do. My very conservative parents didn’t appreciate my efforts to express myself, and weren’t as supportive as I would have liked. When I tried to lose weight — I was a fat girl in high school, after all — my mother’s advice was to just accept myself as I was. “Some people are meant to be fat, and you and I are probably in that category,” she once said.
My mother spent much of her life fighting her own battles with obesity, and I know she really did say that with love, but what I learned was to shut down and shut up instead of asking my parents for help at becoming healthier.
That’s one reason I’m so proud of my daughter.
Earlier this year, I was planning some of my education goals. Math has long been my greatest weakness. I joke that I became a writer because I couldn’t do anything involving complex math.
As I sighed about having to take one math class to finish my counseling degree — which may as well have been 20 — my daughter asked why I was so exasperated. I told her I was worried. She smiled. “Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll be your tutor.”
She is way better at math than I ever plan to be. I hugged her and thanked her, and she reminded me I could ask for help if I needed it. How did this 15-year-old get so smart?
A teenager’s audacity
The fact is, we could all use a little of my teenager’s audacity. She speaks up for herself and others. I suppose that’s one reason I love writing this column. I get to advocate for myself while supporting readers as we slog through metabolic dysfunction-associated steatohepatitis (MASH) together.
Speaking up for yourself takes courage, especially in healthcare. Luckily, there are some organization whose work can help to make speaking up a little easier. Maybe your doctor has brushed off symptoms that concern you, or your lab results changed unexpectedly, and you’re scared. Maybe you don’t understand why a test was ordered or what your treatment options are. The Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality encourages patients to become active members of their healthcare teams through its “Questions Are the Answer” program.
Perhaps your boss doesn’t understand that the diuretics you take to help control edema sometimes send you to the restroom more often than you’d like, and you’re getting the side-eye every time you leave your desk. The National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases explains that diuretics may be used to help manage fluid buildup in people with cirrhosis. It might be time to clear your throat and say something.
I’ve been something of a chicken at times when my health was on the line. I’ve since learned that sometimes your voice is the only way anyone will know what you need. I’ve written before about treating my doctors as collaborators when trying to unravel mystery symptoms related to MASH. But collaboration requires me to participate, too.
If self-advocacy makes you nervous, practice with low-stakes requests. Ask for the salad instead of the baked potato. Ask someone to explain something again. Write down questions before a medical appointment. MedlinePlus recommends preparing your questions and concerns before talking with your doctor, and even bringing a trusted friend or family member if you need backup. Little by little, speaking up can start to feel less like confrontation and more like communication.
I have plenty of self-advocacy ahead of me this year. I’m finding new ways to speak up about my health and ask for what I need. I’ve learned that I can be kind and still be persistent. I can respect the people helping me while expecting to be heard.
Turns out my 15-year-old may be my best self-advocacy coach, too.
Note: Liver Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Liver Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to liver disease.
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