Why ultrasounds bring out my parental anxiety
Watching images of my son that I don't understand remains challenging
Taking my son Finley to various doctor appointments is nothing new. Since he was born a month early, visiting doctors and seeing various specialists have been mainstay experiences in our lives. But if there’s one visit that I, as his parent, would like to leave behind, it’s the ultrasound and echocardiogram appointments.
Finley, who has Alagille syndrome, has become somewhat of a pro when it comes to visiting the doctor. He loves to stand on the scale, line up for his height, and get the “arm hug,” aka blood pressure reading. The only thing he isn’t great with at the doctor is blood draws or shots, but who can blame him? I can’t imagine many aren’t scared of those things, especially at his age.
While I may not be a huge fan of the ultrasound or echocardiogram appointments, Finley is almost always a model patient for those visits. He gets to chill out on the bed and watch cartoons while the technician works. For a squirmy little child, he sure does sit still during those appointments. For him, they’re a breeze. For me, they elicit a different reaction.
The appointments that make me uneasy
Finley is patient as he waits for his appointment to start. (Photo by Jay Sandstrom)
To this point, these types of visits are mostly to stay informed and up to date on what’s going on with him, and the results haven’t changed at all over the years. They play an important role in tracking his progress. But while I’m sitting there beside him in the room during the visit, I feel a quiet worry deep in my stomach.
The technicians have to focus and gather all of the required information for the doctors to review. The challenge for us is that we’re all just sitting there quietly. The technicians aren’t sharing what they’re seeing; that’s not what they’re there for.
So I wait in silence, or rather listening to a random episode of “Paw Patrol,” as I stare at a screen showing my son’s insides with zero idea of what I’m looking at but wishing that all is well and his health is continuing to be stable — but also knowing that we probably won’t have the results from our doctor for another week.
Thankfully, we’re not hyperconcerned about Finley’s progress at this time. And when we did get the results from his ultrasound, everything was stable and looked about the same as it did last time. He’ll be rescheduled for another one in a year, and the process will repeat: Finley will be happy to sit and watch a fun show while I’ll be anxiously staring at a screen I’m not trained to understand.
Being a parent of a child with a rare disease has its challenges. Thankfully, Finley has been doing quite well with his health. But there’s always that looming possibility that the next time they look at his liver, there’ll be a problem. That worry will never dissipate. I’ve had to focus on how to control those emotions and present the best I can for Finley.
He’s a good role model for that. He’s strong, brave, and resilient. I just try to follow his lead.
Note: Liver Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Liver Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to liver disease.
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