Grappling with sudden change after a liver disease diagnosis

My childhood home was a warm place with two loving parents, my siblings, our pets, and a steady stream of family members and friends constantly coming and going. Having a mother who was a professional chef was a big reason so many people loved to visit. Our family dog, Lucky, would beg for scraps beneath the table while my mother worked culinary magic in the kitchen. She could cook anything and bake just about everything.

Almost every afternoon, my two younger brothers, older sister, and I would return home from school to a plate of warm cookies and a glass of cold milk to tide us over until dinner. Our friends would often show up at the same time, hovering nearby in hopes of an invitation to stay for the evening meal.

I understood why our house was every kid’s favorite hangout on the block. My mother loved people through her food. It wasn’t until I moved across the country shortly after finishing high school that I realized how much I would miss it.

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That first night away from home was harder than I expected. It wasn’t just the cookies or the spaghetti and meatballs. It was the life I had become accustomed to while growing up. Only after leaving home, knowing it might be a long while before I returned, did it really sink in: My life had suddenly changed in a deeply meaningful way that I hadn’t prepared for.

I’m not ashamed to say I cried into my strange new pillow that night, wondering what my parents and brothers were having for dinner without me.

You’re not alone

Years later, I experienced a surprisingly similar feeling when I learned my fatty liver disease had progressed into metabolic dysfunction-associated steatohepatitis, or MASH.

One day, I was eating the sugars and fats I had always enjoyed with abandon. The next, I was carefully reading labels, knowing that too much sugar or fat might not be on the menu very often anymore — and, in some cases, not at all.

I was in my 40s, and while I didn’t cry into my pillow this time, I still felt like a part of my joy had been replaced by guilt, shame, anger, and sadness.

I felt guilty about how poorly I had treated my body. I felt embarrassed that I hadn’t taken my earlier diagnosis more seriously. And I felt angry and depressed that I had to change at all.

If you’ve been diagnosed with a chronic illness, you might recognize that feeling. It’s almost like grieving the version of life you had before your diagnosis.

Once the initial emotional gut punch began to fade, I tried to find the bright side.

The years of unchecked eating — whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted — had clearly run their course. Maybe this wake-up call could push me toward something better.

I started researching diets that might help support liver health and weight loss. I spent time browsing bookstores and scrolling online forums dedicated to liver disease. I talked with friends who offered empathy and encouragement. I read success stories from other patients living with MASH.

Slowly, something important began to happen: I discovered I wasn’t alone. And that realization matters more than people sometimes think.

It has now been a little more than a year since I began writing this column, and there is one thing I want every reader to know: You are not alone, either.

Living with MASH can be frightening and frustrating. But there are people walking this road with you. I promise to continue sharing the latest research, new breakthroughs, the occasional silly life story, and most importantly, hope.

Life may change in scary, annoying, or unexpected ways after a diagnosis, but hope is still very much on the menu.

And I’ll keep bringing it to the table.

Note: Liver Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Liver Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to liver disease.