Regrets, I’ve had a few, but here’s what I learned about life with MASH
When your health is unpredictable, preparation stops being optional
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As much as I’d like to believe the tough people who say they have “no regrets,” I’m not buying it. You mean to tell me you’ve lived a full life in this chaotic world and don’t regret a single thing? Say more, I always say.
I do have regrets. But I’ve also dodged a few potential ones — like marrying the guy who proposed to me on a beach in New Jersey when I was 19, moving to Seattle instead of Baltimore, and quitting two dead-end jobs in ways that were admittedly hilarious but probably not wise.
Still, I’ve come to appreciate the strange art of my life. From a distance, it might look messy. Up close, though, it’s something else — a little uneven, but interesting and, in its own way, satisfying. I’ll take contentment over regret any day.
I don’t follow a perfect formula. I just try to do things that make me feel at least one of the following: happier, healthier, lighter, responsible, caring, kinder, or protective. That’s my compass now. It wasn’t always, though.
Living with metabolic dysfunction-associated steatohepatitis (MASH) has a way of forcing clarity. When your health is unpredictable, preparation stops being optional. It becomes essential. I’ve learned what I actually need for a hospital stay so I don’t overpack. I ask my doctors a lot of questions so I’m not blindsided by new tests or treatments. Even minimal preparation is better than none.
Small changes matter
A few years ago, after thinking I’d miss it terribly, I quit drinking. With liver disease, that decision felt less like sacrifice and more like common sense. Now, with research showing that even small amounts of alcohol can negatively affect your health, it seems like one of the best calls I’ve ever made.
When enough signs point in one direction, it’s usually worth paying attention.
Parenting is another place where I’ve learned to trust myself. I don’t think any of us ever fully knows what we’re doing, but I’m so glad I chose to have one child. My daughter brings me immense love, but she also inspires me. As someone who has always been better with words than math, I had to laugh when she recently offered to tutor me for a math class I’ll be taking this fall.
Her confidence and kindness remind me why I fought so hard to stay alive. Missing out on her would have been a loss for me. For others, having children may feel like a loss. The key is making choices based on what you need, want, and feel — not on the expectations of people who don’t have to live your life.
At one point, I also had to confront my weight. I often joke that I broke out of the prison of obesity, but it didn’t feel like a joke at the time. After becoming a mother, carrying that much weight every day just wasn’t sustainable. My body was worn down, and I didn’t want to sit on the sidelines of my own life. I wanted to be fully present.
When I finally committed to change, something unexpected happened: My liver began to improve, too. I’ve had fewer hospitalizations, fewer medications, and fewer dire predictions about my future. For once, things are looking up.
Looking back, my biggest regret isn’t one single decision. It’s that I didn’t realize sooner how much small changes matter. Life works a lot like a savings account: The earlier you start making deposits, even small ones, the more they grow over time. You never know what those small efforts might become.
But regrets? Yes, I have them. We all do.
Just don’t let one of them be failing to take care of yourself when you’re all you’ve got. As long as you’re alive, you can change. If you’re unhappy or unwell, you should change.
Shoot for the moon. And if you miss, maybe you’ll still catch orbit. I hear the view is spectacular.
Note: Liver Disease News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Liver Disease News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to liver disease.
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